you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
