Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
