I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
