my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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