margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I need help removing her.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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