RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
