I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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