then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
