they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
