hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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