I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
