Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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