i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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