Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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