Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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