I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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