Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
