i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
