I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
