i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
