i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
