And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
