69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
