your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
