So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
