Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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