Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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