By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
