it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
