She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
