she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
