So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
