Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
