This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
