I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
