ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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