My friends, they love my intelligence
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
