It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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