I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
actually, I'm a sock model
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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