I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
