dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
