I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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