I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
