i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
