You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
