i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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