tonight lets celebrate not being married
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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