haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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