Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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