Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
