Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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