Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
