Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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