I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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