this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
