I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
