I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
